My Happiest Memory of You

my friends tell me
practice selective memory
so far i've been doing well

no longer spend my days
writing diary entries
of the why, what happened
what could have been

as time generously marches
i'm released from its clutches
what color were your eyes again?

but i just have to say
there is just one day
as clear and vivid as it happened

we boarded a train
you let me lead the way
i was your guide
you put your trust in me

you fell asleep
leaned into me
and dutifully
i stayed up
so we didn't miss our stop

by now we were far
from city sounds and crowds
on a quiet island
learning the tricks of
a mutual hobby-
photography

humidity and heat tired us out
we decided to cool off
took a dip in the water
as the sun set behind us
you pulled me in
spun me around

the sun's last rays
dancing

our faces
glowing

you told me i looked amazing
the truth is, so did you

there could have been no one there
on that beach with us

everything else was a blur

over fried tofu
and pina coladas
we traded stories
travels,
career ambitions,
challenges,
failures,
new opportunities

in that moment, we didn't care
we'd soon be separated

though the day before
we had agreed
to leave the unspoken
unspoken

you told me
you loved me

i told you
i loved you too

yet that isn't my happiest memory of you

it came later, on the taxi ride home
you leaned in to whisper in my ear


I feel closer to you now

for some reason
that meant more to me
than any i love you
you ever uttered

and that is the moment
i will always remember
when i think of you

and how close you came
to actually loving someone else

Who I Am Today

Dearest K,

When you met me, I was at an all-time high in life.  Living in a foreign country, had recently quit a miserable job, was keeping up with a regular exercise regimen, was constantly making travel plans and looking forward to upcoming trips, was looking forward to a new start in my career at home...

On the outside and inside, I was a perfectly happy and content girl.  Bursting with optimism and open to new adventures and experiences.

But I wasn't always that way.  In fact, only a year prior I had experienced my all-time low in life.  I was sinking so fast that it was hard for me to pull myself back up, but somehow...I did.  And I realized that I was the only person who could save myself.  My will to change things turned my life around.

I am definitely not proud of a lot of things I have done in the past or even the feelings or person I was at certain points in my life.  I used to be insecure, jealous, lazy, dependent.  Sometimes residual issues from this past come up from time to time that make me wince.  However, it is a reminder of how far I've come.  I'm a big believer in everything happens for a reason.  And the other cliche that "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."

I don't pretend to be perfect, but I've overcome a lot of personal hurdles that have opened my eyes to the fact that this stronger, happier person is the end product of a lifetime of not only disappointments and mistakes but good values, perseverence and personal victories.

I just had to share - I am very proud of who I am today.  And no one can take that away from me :)