Forgiveness

Dearest K,

Thanks for your very meaningful post on the definition of a real friend.  This is also how I see friendship, though I acknowledge that others may have different views.

Forgiveness has seemed to be the main theme of my last two months.

Forgive family quarrels.
Forgive friends who have hurt me.
Seek forgiveness from same friends whom I have hurt.
Forgive boys who did me wrong.
Forgive myself for making mistakes - in all aspects of my life:  family, friends, career, love, lifestyle.

"Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past can be changed." - Oprah

I recently heard or read somewhere that "forgiveness is not about you...it's about me.  And moving on."

It doesn't matter if someone never accepts your apology or never apologizes - forgiveness is about how you make peace with the issue internally after having given it your all, realizing that what has happened in the past cannot be undone but moving forward with hope instead of unhealthy guilt or sadness.

A boy I used to love and who has hurt me has recently reached out to say he was sorry.  His apology wasn't eloquent - he didn't provide any reasons to explain his behavior, but would an explanation make anything better?  Yes, it would be nice if I could understand him more...but it still does not change the past.

His apology was sincere and direct, and I accepted it.  But the truth is, I already forgave him long before he apologized.

So even if he had never apologized - if I had never heard from him again, the outcome would be the same.  I have made peace with what had happened - a relationship that was fun while it lasted, but now it is over.

And I have moved on - but not with the hope that he will one day change... but with the hope that I will find someone who will treat me better and appreciate me for who I am.

I say, seek forgiveness often and forgive all who hurt you.  Even the jerks who you think don't deserve your time, attention, emotions.

In the end, you are also forgiving yourself for allowing yourself to be vulnerable or making an error in judgment.

Forgive, but never forget the lesson it has taught you.