Make Room

Sometimes I wish I could turn back the clock.

Knowing what I know now about the person I dated for X amount of months or years...sometimes I wish I hadn't wasted so much time.

But the past is something we cannot erase or hide from.  What’s done is done.

So what can we do? 

Embrace it.  Acknowledge the fact that we had to go through the misery, the rejection, the failure - all of it.  This had to happen for us to be who we are today - a little bit broken, but a little bit wiser.

The first step is to forgive ourselves.  Whether we played a part in its demise or things were simply beyond our control... we have to let it go and attempt to rebuild.  Take this time to heal, take this time to get to know yourself a little bit better and ask yourself - what do you really want from a relationship?

Let go of the baggage.  Start over with a clean slate.

I read the following excerpt in a magazine, and I always share it with friends that have trouble letting go of emotional baggage:

You have to let go of the bad to make room for the good.  I was in a hellish relationship a few years ago, but I swear, the moment I said goodbye, all these blessings started flowing into my life.  It was like God was holding a bag of blessings and I was holding a bag of shit, and when I let go of my bag, God was like, 'Here you go.'

The light at the end of the tunnel is this:  there is a bag of blessings waiting for you.  But it comes at a price.  You gotta leave behind the "bag of shit" that weighs you down.  Only take the good with you - the memories you are fond of, the ones that still make you smile.  Cut ties with the jerk that didn't appreciate you - you don't need him.  His life – what he’s doing, who he is seeing now, how he feels about you (assuming he has feelings at all!) – is all irrelevant now.

Every day is a new day to start over.  If you have an "off" day, be kind to yourself.  Sleep it off because tomorrow is a new day to try again.  You can't "take back" your yesterdays, but you can "make up" for them.  Starting today.

I'll end with one of my favorite quotes from Elizabeth Gilbert's "Eat Pray Love" (which I could quote all day):

"If you clear out all that space in your mind that you're using right now to obsess about this guy, you'll have a vacuum there, an open spot - a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with that doorway? It will rush in - God will rush in - and fill you with more love that you ever dreamed."

Imagine all the good you can do (or good you can feel!) if you just freed your mind from all the worrying and self-pitying!  Instead of throwing ourselves a daily "pity party" or harboring angry, hateful feelings toward the jerk that took us for granted, we can get out there and do something that makes us happy. 

Replace the painful memories in your mind with newer, happier memories and drive out all negative thoughts by realizing that when one door closes, another opens with a brighter opportunity.  When one chapter ends, a new chapter is waiting to be written...one with a much happier ending.

Imagine what you could do if you took all that energy you spent focusing on this one undeserving guy and converted it to something positive and creative and useful.

It's all about perspective.  But it takes practice to train our minds this way.

Time is limited.  So is space - free your mind!

Make room.